What is Parentification?

Parentification occurs when there is a role reversal between the child and the caregiver/parent. Parentification can take on many forms. Some of the common ones entail when the child becomes the parent’s emotional confidant, takes on adult responsibilities, manages conflict and toxic patterns in the household, or keeps younger siblings safe when substance abuse and/or domestic violence is present in the household. Often times, this is an invisible trauma, that goes unnoticed by others, and sometimes even ourselves.


Have I been Parentified?

Oftentimes, being parentified in childhood can have lasting effects into adulthood. They may manifest themselves in some of the following ways:

  • Guilt around setting boundaries

  • Guilt acknowledging caregiver’s limitations

  • Considering oneself a “People Pleaser”

  • Inability to identify and communicate your own feelings and needs

  • Feeling exhausted with “People Pleasing” and anticipating the needs of others

  • Feeling not “good enough”

  • Experiencing anxiety in your interpersonal relationships

  • Feeling empty or like something is missing

  • Wishing you could receive even a fraction of what you give to others


So what next?

As a parentified adult, you likely learned to obtain a sense of independence at a young age. As a result, you may often be viewed as self-reliant. However, despite seemingly having it “all together” it can still feel like something is missing. There may be this yearning for deeper connections. Many times, this independence has served a beneficial role in navigating childhood. However, you may now be at a point where you realize that this independence is creating challenges in connecting emotionally with yourself and others. Oftentimes, being in a parentified role can blur our ability to identify our own feelings and needs. This can happen when we become consumed with attuning to and meeting the needs of others in an effort to establish safety and stability in the household. Identifying our values, feelings, and needs can serve as a compass to provide clarity in various areas of life that may seem cloudy or uncertain. In my role, I will collaborate with you in identifying and embracing your authentic self. 



Working through Parentification in therapy would entail the following: 

  • Identifying and communicating your own feelings and needs

  • Learning how to set healthy boundaries

  • Identifying and living in alignment with your values

  • Providing self compassion to the challenges you’ve endured

  • Finding your authentic self and voice


“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” -Viktor E. Frankl